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Notes: 1 / 1 month ago
Hay you, again…
Remember how we met.? I was on a bus to campus when I saw you, I saw this cute girl almost got off on the wrong stop, then we started walking in the same direction, and a mutual friend introduced us when we got to campus,…….. You see I used to be some hopeless romatic idiot who believed in destiny, You know?where I’d see a cute girl on the bus Smiling and humming my favorite song, and I think’ Wow, she could be the one” , . Now when I see a cute girl on the bus, I just think to myself ” that bitch is gonna take the last seat, I’m gonna have to fucking stand the whole time now”….. it not just that i have just been focuing on school and other stuff tho, I’ve have stopped believing that everything is going to turn out okay, faith has become a chore, I’ve become depressed, and not in a ” ima cry in an alcoholic rage”„ it just everyday I believe less and less that everything is going to turn out okay.
You proved to me that there are worse things then being friendzoned, Its worse when I’m not on your radar, that I never was even considered a friend. I never felt like you wanted to spend time with me, and when you did, you never really seemed to want to be there. Would this be different if I was more aggressive, if I was an disrespectful asshole like all other guys you payed attention too.? I tried so damm hard, for so little gain, but your such a beautiful girl that all the attention I gave you was just normal for you.
Everyone relationship since you, I went into with a guarded heart, too scared to do crazy romantic things like before because I just don’t want to be hurt again, to put so in so much, and get nothing. It’s become so hard for me to get surprised, I have become so cynical, I instantly think the worst, my mind always goes to the worst case scenario, because for the most part, nothing ever goes as planned in my life.
Yea, I know I would probably not say this all to you if I saw you in person again, not because im scared too, but because id be an idiot who would fall in love all over again. I just want that feeling back that I had when I was younger, to simply see someone amazing across the room and be so inspired to do great things.
Im running out of time, and I always seem to waste so many minutes on what could have been. Wondering why others seem to have there lives so conveniently set for them, while I have to work harder for the same things that were just simply given to them. I used to think life was a simple story, beginning, middle, and end, where one overcomes hardships with the entire struggle being worth something in the end. I just cant seem to figure out if my sacrifices is worth it, if what I do actually matters….. I just miss the way my naïve self used to think, that for a time in my life, you made me feel like I was something real, that there was a light somewhere at the end of this damm tunnel. Now im just in the dark, waiting for some kind of spark in my life, blindly still hoping for things that may never come.
Notes
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writingoutinside posted this
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